3. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pee soup.
 

4. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

5. What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

6. How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.

7. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

8. Money doesn’t grow on trees, right? So why does every bank have so many branches?

9. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

10. How do fish get high? Seaweed.

11. What do computers snack on? Microchips.

12. Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg? He’s all right now.

13. What’s the tallest building in the world? The library, cause it has the most stories.

14. How do trees get online? They log in.

15. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Everything's fine now. He woke up.

16. People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John.” I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”

17. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.

18. What car does Jesus drive? A Christler.

19. What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? “You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”

20. Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

 

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AHG Advanced Hearing Group